My First Vlog: Outfit Of The Day (OOTD #1)

This is my first out-of-boredom attempt at recording my #OOTD (Outfit of The Day) on a Monday. I was just on my way out for iftar session with friends and while waiting for a friend to get ready, I decided to self-shoot like some vains. This is not what I wore to work as I just changed my shirt to that peachy loose top for a more laid back look.

The look for the day was inspired by two people: i) My SUPER boss and CEO, Tan Sri Liew Kee Sin who came to our Business Unit for a dialogue. I remember when I donned the turban look earlier this year during a forum in Penang, he came to me and asked what kind of head gear style I was wearing and I told him it's the turban and he said he loved it. ii) The very-talented Yunalis Zarai (Yuna) who have inspired a bigger movement for cool & chic turban style. Man, the girl is the shit and she is a trendsetter. Love her!

Obviously, I am a plus size so this video is specially dedicated to fellow thick chicks out there. I love dressing up but I wouldn't call myself a fashionista cause I'm not. I get inspirations from all around but one thing I noticed is there are not many plus-sizers out there who are doing things like this, particularly in Malaysia (US scene have a lot of good ones, perhaps Malaysians can replicate that?). And I thought (after recommendations from friends too), why not I do it too? Perhaps I really should.

It's time for plus-sizers to show the world that we rock too, style wise. And perhaps we rock even harder than those skinny-to-average chicks.

Keep it real, curves.


Oh, oh, I would love to give credit to the extremely talented and dope A$AP Rocky for the awesome music. His 'LiveLoveA$AP' is one of my favorite hip hop records last year and this song in particular "Acid Drip" is my most favorite track of them all. Dig it, peeps.

Of shuffled music, some good R&Bs and matters of the heart

I usually stick to listening to a few albums at a particular time. Maximum five at a time, with one or two albums that I have been assigned to (for writing purposes), one classic or slightly old album that I have grown fond of through time and two of the latest albums recently released. But there were times when I got stuck to that one album for a long period of time. Usually when I got excited with one or two tracks in it, especially the ones I can relate to. I hardly shuffle. I hardly go Genius or use the DJ function on iTunes. And this is not good. Sometimes I forgot what I have in my library until the time has come for that moment to shuffle. The time when I can't no longer take any Lamar or Ocean, or that beautiful new record from Ms. Spector. Even classics by Mr. Redding or my all-time favorite of Ms. Etta James seem out of touch to me at certain time. These are the times when I shuffle and let myself be surprised with what I have.

After my recent heartbreak encounter, I tried my best to ignore breakup songs. More often than not,  I do admit I allow myself into searching for that one song or one album that represents my situation. I love how songs speak for me. I love having a soundtrack that understands when others not. I have for too long, allow myself to let loose in such away. No matter how fucked up the situation might be, heartbreaks allow me to be creative and I like that. I have even loosely wrote a song that I hope the band would want to proceed with.

The shuffle have led me to that R&B goodness of Brandy's Never Say Never, an album I have kept and mostly ignored this recent years. Definitely one of the best R&B albums of all time (at least to me, even her follow-up albums are too crappy to even be compared to this one), Never Say Never had Brandy delivered her most solid sound to date with urban contemporary vibe at its best. Complete with highly-rated production, the album does not only reflect a well-written record but it has that attitude and edge that is as important for a R&B record. 

Notable for its hit single duet with the equally talented Monica in "The Boy is Mine" and that heart-wrenching honest-to-God number "Have You Ever," Never Say Never has this one song that I can't seem to ignore: "Almost Doesn't" Count. As I was singing along, word-by-word to Brandy's smooth and warm vocal in a song about that imbalance and doubtful relationship, I got struck by what it actually meant. 

When I first heard the track years back, I can't never seem to understand them words. It's a beautiful song but when you can't relate, you just can't. As Brandy sings "I can't keep on loving you, one foot outside the door / I hear a funny hesitation of a heart that's never really sure," and when she gets to another verse "... but every time you built me up, you only let me down" --- lines like these, they are way too familiar and it hurts deep now that I have been in this shoes. It's not so much of an unrequited love, perhaps it's more of the matter of commitment though I am not entirely blaming the other party for he has every right to feel or act the way he did too but all in all --- despite the ugliness I am still dealing with, the good thing is now I can pretty much say that I have found my track. 

I'm leaving you with this You Tube video for "Almost Doesn't Count," perhaps you might have went through the same too and that you could totally relate. Again, this song, word for word is on point and I can't seem to be able to push that stop button to it. I have let myself immersed in it, perhaps in a good way. Perhaps I have also felt so much better. 

On the brighter note, R&B/soul/hip hop aside, my favorite British folk quartet, the beautiful boys of Mumford & Sons is back and they will be releasing their sophomore record sometime in September and yes, yes, I want to see if I can get my hands on the record beforehand or if not, I am gonna pre-order. Things a fan do.

Later,
Nazirah

Comfortable romance, where art thou?

All my life I have been wanting to find comfort in this thing called romance. All my life I seek for it in conscience and in hope. I'm not too sure why but that comfort seems very unlikely to come by though romance keeps revisiting in different forms. I'm not too sure if it's a curse or simply cause the time has yet to come but one thing I know for sure is I haven't been lucky enough to be rewarded such comfort. Well, not yet I hope.

So when I decided to break a dear man's heart (and mine too) last three weekends ago, I was hoping he would come and rush to me and beg me to change my mind cause I was saying crazy things in an unconscious state of mind. Well, he didn't and the truth is, I have expected that. He didn't fight for me the way I was so willingly would fight for him. So I let my heart breaks, not in ignorance. I let it break now so it wouldn't break later when all would be severely shattered. At least I know for the fact that if I stop now, perhaps it wouldn't take me that long to recover and perhaps all I need is a gadget-shopping therapy that's done in a super random manner (yup, it's exactly what you have in mind) then hopefully I would still be okay.

But no, romance comfort lies beyond shopping therapy or the hunt for that dream gadget of yours. This is the kind of comfort that goes beyond cuddling or hugs and kisses. Here, a fulfilling sex is out of the picture. If not too much, this goes beyond that warmth of his or her touch. Na-ah, not even that.

To me, comfort in romance lies in its security. Its assurance. It's about a secured heart that eventually evolves from a lot of secured things like an assurance and commitment. An assurance of loyalty though this is questionable but sometime simple spoken words like "You know I am here for you" could mean the world. Financial security is the most common but no, it's not the most important one. At least not to me.

Comfort in romance is a luxury. Luxurier than the most expensive handbag from Louis Vuitton. Luxurier than an 8-star resort suite in Maldives. Luxurier than the idea of your mother's home cook food. (Okay, maybe not that - my mother's cooking can cure my soul, that definitely is a luxury). Simply, though comfort in romance would also mean to have financial stability... sometimes financial struggle could spark that 'comfort' you've been looking for. It definitely could work the other way around.

The truth is, I've longed for that comfort in a long time. At this point of my life - at the age of 25, I'm not too sure I have ever found that all-round comfort that I could hold on to. That comfort that would hopefully become the support I need to let me find and be me, and him the same.

Oh, this is no sign of a surrender. I'm young still and a great life is still ahead of me. I have a feeling that I am more determine now in planning my life and that would also include a long trip abroad, in a land I feel very much close and bonded to and perhaps even more. I'm aiming for February. Latest would be March  or April next year. As of now, yes, I have allowed myself a new gadget therapy, done in an oh-so-random manner and it's the one I've been aiming for, forever.

I'm leaving you with this beautiful number by one of my favorite singer-songwriters for this year, Michael Kiwanuka. A new gem, Kiwanuka mesmerized with his vintage soul vocal that will remind you of legends like Bill Withers and Bob Dylan. His sincerely written lyrics captured me right the first time and in this inspiring song called "Home Again" he made me feel exactly so. Dig into this one, check out his other acoustic-heavy songs like "I'm Getting Ready" which I love, love, love. And trust me, you'll be in love too. Definitely the kind of number to soothe your heavy hearts.

Later,
Nazirah